Soap Box

Maternal Worrying

Like every good mother, I worry.
I try not to worry to much, but sometimes it gets the better of me.

Today we went for Bobby's 6 month check-up. And to my surprise he had only gained about 2 pounds, putting him at 18 pounds and in the 60th percentile for weight. I immediately said "how could he lose weight?" Not rational, I understand. But my kids have always been in the 95th percentile for weight. So I was worried.

Obviously, Bobby had not lost weight he just did not gain as much as I thought he would have. See when Carolyn was 6 months old she weighed 19 pounds and she was a pound lighter at birth compared to him. Mothers worry ... it comes with the hormones of pregnancy and never leaves, and I wondered what was wrong with him? Was I doing something wrong, should I offer him more food, should I try a different formula? All questions racing through my head.

And then entered Dr. Vonnegut, who I swear is the best pediatrician around. He exclaimed that Bobby looked so healthy and had the right amount of body fat and if he had to worry about Bobby's weight than what would he do for all those other kids who were in the lower percentiles?

Rational. And that is Dr. Vonnegut. Calm. No need to worry, no need to change anything, just continue to be the mother I was. We talked about autism and the fears around that and shots. His thought, if a baby can make eye contact with you and be engaged with you then that baby does not have autism. Simple. We talked about over-parenting and the changes in parenting style. His thought, let your kids be kids and they will strive. Simple. We talked about the age gap with my kids (6 years) and he reminded me that his kids had a 22 year difference, (after he did the math) and that parenting is not all that different from years ago. Simple.

So my fears of Bobby's weight have subsided, I am confident as a mother. I may not be the best but I don't think any mother is, even my own. Mothers are unique and we make mistakes and that is the beauty of it. It is so great to do this again, this mom thing, and realize that the world will continue to turn even if we are only in the 60th percentile. Bobby will gain weight when he needs to and I will continue to feed him and life will go on with a new milestone achieved everyday.

Turkey Tip

Today marks the beginning of my Thanksgiving Day prep.
So I will keep this short!

I love Thanksgiving, love it! I love it because it was, of course, started in Massachusetts. You can all thank me later for this federal holiday. I love being here and cooking for everyone and setting the table (which I will do this afternoon) and having a New England meal.

I have spent my Thanksgiving in many places - Alabama, North Carolina, Illinois and none of them compare to being in Massachusetts and having the perfect dinner. And yes, I meant to say perfect! I think everywhere else they have jell-o with fruit in it ... uck! I remember being so upset after many Thanksgivings elsewhere - where was the squash, the green beans, the relish trays? You don't have those on your table ... your not from New England!

Today I prep ... table set, make the brine, clean the house, label the bowls with the proper food item,  and of course set the cooking schedule.

My one tip for the best turkey in the world ... brine it! It is so easy. Soak the turkey in brine the night before, put it in a 500 degree oven for 30 minutes on Thanksgiving then turn the heat down to 350 for about an hour and a half. No basting, no opening the oven door, no worrying! My favorite brine recipe is from Alton Brown.

Simple ...
Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
Here's hoping all your tables are filled with laughter.

Palin's Rogue has Gone

The media coined the phrase "Going Rogue".
And yet she claims to hate the media.
Well by media I guess she means any journalist who does not spew the Republican's talking points.

And yet she has cashed in on this phrase and will make millions.
Holly Help!

My dislike for the former Governor of Alaska should come as no surprise. And it is much deeper than her non-answer to which papers she reads, "all of them". My dislike for her goes to the heart of the problem with candidates like her ... they are ignorant. And they expect us to just accept that, no questions asked - literally.

Palin's path is like the American dream - small town girl making it big in politics. But did she really? I think not. She was elected by a state so far removed from the lower 48 that they think shooting moose from a helicopter is normal. And while the state of Alaska is huge, it is only large in land mass not population. Washington D.C., that tiny little diamond near Virginia and Maryland, has about the same population as the entire state of Alaska. So really she was elected by a very small number of people.

And then the big day came ... An insider with the McCain campaign came knocking at the Governor's door. And while she answered it, really there was nobody home. Perfect! They could spruce her and her all-american family up, feed them the talking points and bingo a Vice-President is born. But unfortunately when you take an ignorant person who thinks they know everything and put them into the glare of the world they crack.

My issues with Palin are deep. I want someone who is smarter than me to be the person who is, quite literally in McCain's case, a heartbeat away from being the leader of the free world. And I want that person to surround themselves with people who are even smarter than them to help set policy and start wars. Palin could never be that. I have traveled to more countries then she has, I have more budget experience then she has and I have the knowledge to know I could never perform the role of the Vice-Presidency. She has no sense.

So why was she picked? Come on you know why. Not for her experience, not for her groundbreaking policy, not for her foreign policy (but she could see Russia from her house, so that counts right?). She was picked to get the female vote for the old man.

And in the end that is why I am pissed. I am angry that she couldn't see that, I am angry that they thought women were that stupid, I am angry that they did not pick a women who could do the job because believe me they are out there, even in the Republican party.

And now she has left her position as Governor to sell books ... um I mean lobby from the outside to make a difference in the lives of women and children. Yeah, again not too smart. You make more change from the inside than you do from the outside hawking your book. But I guess you never opened your eyes long enough to learn that while you were campaigning across the country.

She had an opportunity to better herself, to learn about the way national politics work and instead she was ignorant and tossed all the people who tried to help her under her "Going Rogue" bus. There's a must see tour ... a washed up ex-Governor and her cute expanded family (will Levi be there?) and of course the book. She might have been able to comeback to national politics after her unbelievable interviews, have you figured out what other Supreme Court rulings you disagree with yet? Or have you finally put into words what news papers you read? Or have you finally admitted to yourself that you were out of your league?

Palin is not "Going Rogue" she has always been ignorant.

And now she will cash is as the female candidate who was treated horribly by the press, was manipulated by McCain's aides, calls herself a feminist but believes in anti-choice for women, poor mother just trying to raise a family with real "family values" and it makes me shake my head. I guess to some in this country it is not about who is the best person for the job, it is about who they can have a beer with or share a recipe with.

Not me.

If you want to run for President or Vice-President you better be sure you can handle those tough questions from the public and the journalists and not have to use a lifeline. Which, by the way, is what this book is, a lifeline to pay her legal bills for all her unethical activity as Governor of Alaska.

Palin's time has expired much like her catch phrase. Going, Going ...
She has "Gone Rogue" all over this country.
Alaska's calling they want their gun-toting, beauty queen, political embarrassment back. Well, at least to answer for all those charges against you.

Gray and Thankful

It has been another long spell of no writing. In fact it got so bad that my friends started calling and sending e-mails to make sure I had not fallen off the earth. I have not. I have been dealing with some personal issues that will unfold on here over time and I have been sick. Not the flu sick but with this really bad cold sick.

I'm back. At almost 100%.
And I am still smiling.

This is the week we are to give thanks for all the wonderful things in our lives. Funny how we feel compelled to do this once a year and forget about all the great and wonderful things in our lives the other 51 weeks. I bet some people out there wake every morning and are thankful for some piece of their lives. That might be a good thing for all of us to do. At least we could start the day with a smile.

I am, of course, thankful for my kids. They are healthy and smart and beautiful and I can't imagine my world without them. They drive me crazy as any good child is supposed to and yet my love for them is unconditional.

I am not thankful for shopping on Black Friday.

I wonder how many crazy, over tired people will be hurt or worse, killed on Friday? Stores have extra security, extra help to control the crowd. What? For shopping? Isn't that what got us all into this mess? That should be the way to control the crowd, if you can't pay by cash then you can't come out and shop. No credit cards. That would be funny. And I would pay to watch that.

I have never shopped on Black Friday. Ever. And I don't plan on it. We all have enough stuff and trust me my dad does not need any more books or sweaters or socks (well maybe the socks). We as a society value things more than being with family and friends. I would rather save the money I would spend on gifts and go to Europe with my dad and the kids. But that is not the norm. Maybe I should get everyone on my list Palin's new book ... ha, that would go over well.

I will shop this year, mostly on-line since I hate the stores, for the kids and for the people I love. But I will not go overboard like many do with the plastic crap and the jogging sets and the cheap home items. I love Carolyn's face on Christmas morning and now we get to watch Bobby delight in the colorful gifts. My goal this holiday season is to keep it simple. That is my mantra for the next year.

So another year passes and many have not learned their consumer lesson. One day it will hit home. One day all of us will be thankful for the little things again. One day being with the people you love will be enough to fill that consumer hole in our bodies.

It is a gray day in New England and I am thankful that the pilgrims landed in the best state of our union, Massachusetts. Simple.

10 Things I Love

New days bring new ways of thinking. This week is a new week, with many life changing things happening all around me. This week I am at peace, a simple and calm peace. It is time to reflect on the things I love and not the things I hate. Happiness ...

1. The way my kids smell.

2. Leaves changing color.

3. Natalie Merchant. Her music always takes me to an awesome place.

4. Long, slow kisses.

5. Being with amazing, intelligent and inspiring women who will one day change the world.

6. Talking to my girlfriend for hours.

7. Laughter, especially the kids laughing when they are tickled and remembering my mom's laughter.

8. Sleeping in on a rainy morning.

9. Being a feminist and never apologizing for it.

10. My dad's unwavering support and strength.

Still Standing

Bully - bul·ly ¹  (bl) n. pl. bul·lies 1. A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. 2. A hired ruffian; a thug. 3. A pimp. v. bul·lied, bul·ly·ing, bul·lies 1. To treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner. 2. To make (one's way) aggressively.

As a mother it is my job to protect my children from bullies. I remember being bullied in elementary school and I remember the tears I cried from the mean things that those girls said and did to me. I think all of us, at some point in our lives, have been the subject of a bully. I am not looking forward to the first time my children have a run-in with the school bully.

At 35, I never thought it would happen to me again.
And yet it has begun.

I have received numerous attacks in the comments on some of my blog posts. And they are still there if anyone would like to go searching. I have left them up because I do believe in free speech. I have not responded to each one because I am not going word for word with people who attack me personally instead of ask thoughtful questions about my stance on these topics. There are no requirements to leave a comment on this blog, there is no final check or OK from me to have your comment appear on my blog. There is, however, a level of respect that expect from my readers.

My blog has angered a handful of people, who normally do not read my blog. And they have responded the only way they know how when faced with opposition ... they bully. I have been called stupid, anti-feminist and ageist. And the attacks are still coming, now in the form of threats to file grievances against me for the words I wrote.

I am not backing down.

I write about many things on this blog about all aspects of my life. I am a mother, a Democrat, a liberal and yes, I am a feminist. And I love every piece that make me the person I am. You don't like what I write, don't read it. But you have no right to stand behind an e-mail address and bully me. I am standing here ... open, honest and truthful. Out there for everyone to know who I am and what I believe. Transparency.

I am reminded time and again about the level of people attacking me. See, I never attacked you personally, I never said the ERA was stupid, I never used a name nor did I divulge information that the general public did not have access to if they tried. And yet you come back with personal attacks. I am not surprised. Anyone who disagrees or questions or thinks outside of their box about anything this is the tactic they use. I am not the first nor will I be the last.

I am smiling because I know I am speaking the truth. I will continue to support my mentors and their legacy and I will not let you speak ill of them and what they gave. I will continue to write the words on this blog as I see them happen about every part of my life.

And I will continue to have my sisters' back ... all of them.

The Visit

Every family gets this visit at some point.
And this weekend it was our turn.

Carolyn's Poppy left us on Halloween.

Poppy (or Jay as the rest of the world called him) is my birth-mother's husband and we have never been really sure what he is to me. He was never a step-father, he was more than an uncle and closer than a friend. In the end I would say he was someone who always gave his opinion with kind words, supported all my crazy life choices, and thought I was his daughter.

I guess I lost a father figure.

Jay was a unique man. A man of little words, many actions and larger than life goals. At one point he wanted to build his own airplane (which he would have). He designed and built his house. You need to understand that the level of detail in this house is incredible. He wanted a cooper sink, so he learned how to spin cooper to make it. And we got to hear about the molecules and the machine needed and every step of the process. That was Jay. It took me years to appreciate his knowledge and wisdom and accuracy.

While Jay taught me to appreciate the process he taught Carolyn to be self-confident around tools and machines. Her favorite times with Poppy was in the shop. We would fly and drive all day to get to their house in Oregon and she would pop up out of bed at 6 am to see her Poppy in the shop. And they would spend hours out there. Building, explaining, teaching. You have to understand this shop ... it had real, live, big machines and saws and sharp, pointing tools. Carolyn was safe out there with her Poppy (she was also very dirty but that is more my issue than hers).

I am reminded again that  life is short. I lost my mother at 20 and now my brother will also have that to carry, losing his father at 20. I have made mistakes, we all have, even Jay (vacationing with him always gave way to many family stories) and that is life. But it is how we chose to live our lives that matter. I have stopped regretting things I say or do, I mean them in the moment I am living. Anger, what ifs, standing still, perfection all a waste of time.

When we told Carolyn of Poppy's passing she cried, big tears and then she realized that her little brother would never meet and know and learn from Poppy. She was saddened by this fact of loss. We told her it was her job to tell Bobby all about Poppy and the wonderful man she knew and the way he treated her like she walked on water and the way he thought that every tap of the hammer was the greatest accomplishment she had ever done.

I thank him for reminding me that life is short.
And to live and speak and act like this is your last moment in this life.
No regrets.

Good-bye to our Poppy, you will be missed.
Your stories will be passed along for generations to come.
You have touched us all in ways you will never know and we thank you for all you gave in this life to each of us.