Courage

Well, what a month. I have missed this. I have missed spending a few moments everyday writing, thinking through my life and my reactions. But I needed this break. I needed the time to sort out some major things in my personal life. Now, I am looking forward to starting this again. Starting off fresh in a new year.

Happy 2010.
That year looks so cool to me and I am still getting used to writing it.

I was reminded last week about my nickname in high school ... Courage. There is nothing like getting a Facebook message from an old friend with COURAGE in all caps and a bunch of exclamation points after it. It took me back to the time when I thought I was invincible, when I had all the Courage in world to be me and not be sorry for who I was.

That is what I am going to think of this week. I am going to try to have that Courage with me all week.

During the past month I have come to the conclusion about many things. Things I will talk about over the next week on this blog. Because, I realized, this blog is for me, not you (although I love all of you reading it). I have been called many things on this blog, many things that are not true, many things that have hurt because I am just a regular person. But I am and will keep writing because it is important to me. I am still going to have my opinions about everything and many things we won't agree on but this is for me.

I am still here, I am happy and I can see a peaceful future for myself and my kids.

I have stopped many of my external activities over the last few months. No more PTA, no more starting my own business, no more questioning the feminist movement, and a huge step back from NOW. Why? Why would I stop my over-achieving self from all these groups? Because at the end of the day they did not make me happy. They did not bring the change I believe in. And when I really stopped, I realized I have been pushing myself for years and I was tired and burnt out and these groups were creating anxiety in me.

So, 2010.
A new start.
A time to take care of me and my kids. A time to be honest and true and have Courage. A time to re-evaluate my activism. A time to enjoy the sun and smile. A time to slow the pace down just a bit.

If you want to join me on this journey, please do, I welcome all of you. This week my life will become open. I am pulling the curtain back and it is a scary thing - just ask the wizard. It is something all of us try not to do because perfection or the look of perfection is what is expected in this society. I will look to you all to help me through this week because at the end of the day we are all in this together, one community, helping not hurting each other.

Comments

[Kristin]

Thanks for that, Erin. Please, keep on writing -- you are really good at it!