Divorce is not Leprosy

I have spent the last decade with my husband and it is coming to an end. After many memories and dreams completed, it, our marriage, is over. And it is, and it will be ok, really.

In early November I told Eric I wanted a divorce. I never asked. It hit him hard and he was not expecting it. I on the other hand had known about this choice for over a year. I had wrestled with it, I had debated it, I had pros and cons it, I had tried it on for size, I had thought of the kids. And I realized that a happy and healthy me was more important than an it.

This did not come out of left field, just for the record. We had been in therapy for years trying to work on our issues and it just never got better. I will go into some of the issues in later posts. But somewhere along our path we got caught up in the day-to-day and forgot to smile and be happy. We lost the spark and it was replaced with resentment. It became about enough money to get stuff, work all the time, childcare, everything but us.

I had made this choice the night before I found out I was pregnant with Bobby. We had a bad fight, which we were doing pretty often at that time, and I walked for hours to the beach and around the neighborhood. And I realized I no longer was in love with Eric, I was no longer happy with the life we had created. I needed to find the real me and the simple life I so craved. And when I really asked myself what I wanted, Eric was no longer in the role as my partner.

So, we are getting divorced. The sad part is not our lives separating, it is not the kids having two homes, the sad part is we now get to join the divorce statistic - one thing I said I would never do. We have made a commitment to each other to do this divorce the "right" way. We no longer fight, we no longer argue, we talk, we negotiate, we remember the good times because we want our kids to feel the amazing love we have for them and we realize that this is over. And if anyone can do a divorce the "right" way, we can. As our mediator said ... you two work really well together. And we can.

The interesting thing to me is the response from people. Everyone gets so sad and surprised. I'm not sorry this is happening, I am happy. Yes, we seemed like the perfect couple but you obviously never got me drunk and asked me about it. Eric and I are very good at the politics of a relationship and looks are not everything. I have told many people personally and have gotten one reaction that I never expected ... Congratulations. Thank you and I smiled.

Divorce is not leprosy, you can't catch it. We just happen to be the first ones from our bubble of friends to get divorced. Many people get divorced between 7-10 years or 20-25 years. I just chose to get it over with now and be happy with my life than wait until the kids were gone. I want my kids to see me laugh, I want them to experience all aspects of life, I want them to know us without yelling and arguing. I know that my kids will be loved by four parents not just two, and how awesome is that! Eric has always said that I have driven this family on the path and he trusts that the future will hold what I say it does, because he trusts me.

I have now started looking for his new wife because he deserves that and I want that for him. And plus who wouldn't want a cool ex-wife hanging around like me? If you are interested shoot me an e-mail and I can hook you up. (Eric, BTW, is smiling as he reads this because we have talked and joked about this and he does have the hots for one of my friends and I know who.)

I will always love Eric, I just will. We have two beautiful kids that we both adore and we are good parents. I have grown and accomplished so much with him by my side, things I might not have been able to do on my own. He is a kind man and I was lucky to have him be the father of my kids. Somewhere along this path I fell out of love with him and my life path changed.

And that is ok and we will be ok.
I can see a future where I am happy with the kids.
Divorce is something that happens to an it, and it is sad to be ending.
But I am smiling and peaceful ... finally I am beginning to breathe.

Comments

[Jessica Alvaro]

Erin, sounds to me like you have two extremely lucky children. So many children are damaged by angry, ugly divorces. As a child of divorced parents who get along really well ... I say good for you and congratulations!