I am resigning my current position.
Not for lack of trying or love or the little joy I get out of it.
But I can't cut it as a Mom-in-Chief anymore.
Let me start by saying ... I love my kids. I think almost every parent does. And it is the thing to say. Rarely do people talk in the negative about their kids, unless they are joking. I wanted my kids, both of them. I chose to have them and they do bring me many smiles and joy and unconditional love.
I am not, however, the mom who takes joy in baking cookies and running the PTA or thinking of healthy snacks and coming up with creative activities for the kids. I am the mom who asks ... what do you need and how much will it cost me? I am the mom who pushes through a policy change in front of the entire city. I am the mom who loves meetings, with adults and coffee, not apple juice and graham crackers. I am the mom who would rather order out than cook for the fifth time this week. I am a typical mother.
So, I have begun looking for work. And am happy to say that after sending out five resumes I have or will have an interview at four of those places. Not too bad. My fingers are crossed that I can be working in a month. I need to work and I love working. I am good at what I do and I know that, now. I am not ashamed that I have been home with the kids for almost 18 months. I am proud that I tried it and lucky to have had that chance.
I have figured out that "flex-time" is not a bad thing. In fact if you give it to an employee they will give you more work. I have also realized that home by 5 or 5:30 is important to have quality time with my kids (and cook when I want to). I realized that any employer who shies away from hiring a women because she has kids is flat-out wrong. Mothers bring an amazing knowledge base to the organization.
You can't put into words during an interview what it takes to raise kids and run a house. Because it is not valued in this society. Multi-tasking, calm under pressure, triage, creative, time management, organization ... all requirements as a Mom-in-Chief. But how do we as mothers sell this to a prospective employer? How do we say it was more than dirty diapers and story-time? It is a full-time, 24/7, back-breaking, mind-numbing, the fate of future generations in your hands kinda job.
And I quit!
And I am smiling. And my kids will be happier. I know crazy right? If any of you have ever met my kids they are a little intense and active and constantly moving. Carolyn can't wait for me to go back to work and asks daily if I got that job yet. Thanks! She would love to hang with other kids and play and have creative things to do until I got home. She, from age 2, thrived in daycare. Kindergarten was a breeze with only having to be there for 6 hours instead of the 9 she was used to. And Bobby is the same way, loves daycare and loves being with the kids. I swear they are future politicians or lawyers or actors.
I have hated being at home. The amount of work is amazing. If I was going to stay in this position I would need a nanny and a housekeeper just to keep my sanity. And it is isolating. There is no other adults to talk to. I mean how many mothers watch the State of the State address and assess the Governor's chances of re-election? So as you can imagine I am pretty alone. And I hate it and I resent my husband for it and it has not been good for a while. I chose to try this and I am happy I did, but this stay-at-home mother thing is awful! You are alone and have the weight of the family on your shoulders. And it is overwhelming.
I am and will be a better mother when I am working. I will cherish them more, I will love them more and I won't get annoyed by them so easily. And they will be better kids because of my work. And I am not ashamed to say this because it is true, I suck as a Mom-in-Chief. Hats off to all those moms who make it work, maybe we will get you paid for the hardest job EVER one day. I wonder how you are doing it, everyday, with a smile? Are you using mind-altering drugs or just drinking at noon?
So, no more sleeping in. No more nasty sweat pants. No more pony-tails for my hair style. No more morning TV. No more ... this was nice but let's get back to living and changing the world!
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